FRESNO, California – Jamal Jafreese is becoming a more frequent sighting in Fresno, California. He walks the streets with a ‘jive swagger,’ speaks in Ebonics and tries to make friends with black people. Jafreese recently tried to join a local chapter of The Bloods street gang, according to underground zine, The Street.

NORMAN, Oklahoma – Gene Bibles dropped out of Norman High School in 1951 because he could not stand learning. “There’s something about trying to learn stuff that is just unappealing to me,” Bibles told Saturday Magazine. “It gives me nosebleeds.” Gene also knew he never wanted to work. “I find work unpleasant,” Bibles said.

PALM BEACH, Florida – The Gontchar family loved the 11 Muscovy ducklings that lived near their home in Wellington, Florida. They fed them daily and uploaded hundreds of photographs to social media websites. “They were a joy in our life,” Laura Gontchar told the Palm Beach Post. “So cute and happy. So full

GUILFORD TOWNSHIP — Pennsylvania State Police, Chambersburg, said officers responded at 12:08 a.m. to the 1700 block of LWE for a report that three women were speeding down U.S. 30 on Walmart scooters. Police chased the three women into the parking lot of a Super Shoes where the women abandoned the

SENOIA, GA KCT5 News reported that a Georgia man, John Paul Jones, Jr, didn’t accidently plow his truck into his house because his foot slipped off the gas pedal. He did it on purpose. “I don’t know, it was just one of those spur of the moment crazy things,” said Jones. Jones is a

SARASOTA, Fla. — Timothy Bontrager, 29, has been charged with felony burglary of an occupied dwelling after breaking into a home, filling a pillow case with jewelry and ‘pet toys’ and then falling asleep in a running shower. The homeowner told police she heard the water running in her guest bathroom around

BOISE, Idaho – Brad Burns was playing in Veterans Memorial Park with his two Chihuahuas when he witnessed a man dressed in a ‘meat suit’ attack another man eating a hamburger. “I saw the meat man run at the guy full force and knock him off the picnic table,” Burns said. “My first instinct was to run because I

This is a transcribed letter that was found bobbing in a wine bottle in Lake Butler (Florida) by a snorkeler. DEAR MERMAID: I have loved you since the day I caught you fishing. I’m still sorry for making your lip bleed with the hook and hope it healed well — no scars!! But I

Robert Panel feels women should be LEGALLY required to wear dresses. Obviously, there isn’t a lawmaker in the United States who would get behind legislation forcing women to wear dresses, but this is what he wants to see happen anyway. We talked to Mr. Panel via Skype to discover the reasons why he holds this belief: 1. Women Look Sexy In

By Kelly Broich Originally published as satire on Moron.com in 2015 Republished here to reflect original authorship and public record JACKSONVILLE, Florida – Geoff Gaylord, 37, entered the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office earlier today and turned himself in for killing his imaginary friend — Mr. Happy. Gaylord told officers he had