Alexa from Jacksonville, Florida emailed this to us: I thought you guys would find this funny. My 82-year-old mom and I live in a one-bedroom apartment and share a bunk bed. She’s on the bottom bunk. I’m on the top — so I hear a lot of the crazy ass stuff she says in her sleep.

MADISON, West Virginia – Boone County resident, Jasper June, 72, was arrested today on felony charges of manufacturing and distributing homemade “energy drinks” containing the powerful stimulate methamphetamine. The Boone County drug task force raided June’s tree fort (June lives in 200 sq. ft. tree fort on his brother’s property)

COLORADO SPRINGS – Buck Dobson knows what it is like to suffer at the hands of pedophile. He was repeatedly molested at age 10 by his 19-year-old-sister and says the scars have never healed. However, the abuse inspired Dobson to spend most of his adult life working to cure pedophilia. For years, Dobson tried to rehabilitate

CLEVELAND, Ohio – Adam Moulson kidnapped an unidentified African-American woman this morning, but was quickly apprehended by police after he crashed his red Volkswagen Beetle into, ironically, another red Volkswagen Beetle while trying to get away. “He enticed the woman with a large candy cane,” an officer with Cleveland Police said. “Once the victim was near his window he threw

Baton Rouge, Louisiana – A 27-year-old woman was pulled over early morning due to a speeding violation. When Natasha Brown acted in a very suspicious manner officers decided to search her vehicle where they discovered $60,000 in cash. When officers asked her why she had such a large amount of

ORLANDO – Jerry Hartman said his puppy, Jack, and his adult cat, Sparkles, have been engaged in a steamy sexual relationship for the last two months. The affair apparently started when Hartman came home one day to find his dog and cat doing it “human style” — i.e., missionary position. “Jack was penetrating Sparkles on the

JACKSONVILLE, Florida – Tito and Amanda Watts were arrested over the weekend for selling “golden tickets to heaven” to hundreds of people. The couple, who sold the tickets on the street for $99.99 per ticket, told buyers the tickets were made from solid gold and each ticket reserved the buyer a spot in heaven —

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Renegade geneticist Frank Anderson told the San Francisco Weekly that attractive women are the most desirable animal on the planet and that we need more of them. “Most human beings are extremely ugly,” Anderson said. “I’m so sick of looking at them. Hot women make the world so

WACO, Texas – Mercy Stayson, representing himself in court, brought a peculiar defense to his murder trial by blaming the violent killings of an elderly couple, John and Melinda Orr, on a monster. Mercy, who lived across the street from the Orr’s, said he saw a hairy, fanged 15 ft monster enter the couple’s home through

IRVINE, California – Taco Bell and the Catholic Church have entered into an agreement to put Taco Bell restaurants inside select Catholic churches in Mexico. The Catholic Church reportedly will receive a percentage of gross sales and Taco Bell hopes to gain the trust factor the Catholic Church brings. Above: Taco Bell being built