CLEVELAND, Ohio – Adam Moulson kidnapped an unidentified African-American woman this morning, but was quickly apprehended by police after he crashed his red Volkswagen Beetle into, ironically, another red Volkswagen Beetle while trying to get away. “He enticed the woman with a large candy cane,” an officer with Cleveland Police said. “Once the victim was near his window he threw

ORLANDO – Jerry Hartman said his puppy, Jack, and his adult cat, Sparkles, have been engaged in a steamy sexual relationship for the last two months. The affair apparently started when Hartman came home one day to find his dog and cat doing it “human style” — i.e., missionary position. “Jack was penetrating Sparkles on the

SEATTLE – A Seattle man, who says he is Kurt Cobain, claims he did not die by a self-inflicted gunshot wound on April 5th, 1994. “It [suicide] was a way to get the media attention and all the stupid fans off my back so I could live in peace,” Cobain said. “But now I

Vicksburg – Rupert the Alligator, who weighed a whopping 1700 lbs, was the oldest known animal on planet earth at nearly 500 years old. Last week, he accidently escaped from a sanctuary who houses old or ailing animals and, unfortunately, Rupert decided to take refuge under a children’s trampoline in the backyard of

MINOT, North Dakota – North Dakota hunters killed over 12,000 ducks last week near Minot as part of what they called “a mercy killing.” “Due to unusually cold weather the ducks were having trouble finding food,” United States Fish & Wildlife spokesman Newt Gastin said. “These hunters took it upon themselves to

BUFFALO – Early Monday morning Buffalo police detained and released 72 homeless citizens for building an “apartment building” in a wooded area on the outskirts of the city. The structure in its current state of development would have housed 25 people. Full build-out, the “foreman” said, was expected to have housed 280. “The structure was a