By Kelly Broich Originally published as satire on Moron.com in 2015 Republished here to reflect original authorship and public record JACKSONVILLE, Florida – Geoff Gaylord, 37, entered the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office earlier today and turned himself in for killing his imaginary friend — Mr. Happy. Gaylord told officers he had

WACO, Texas – Mercy Stayson, representing himself in court, brought a peculiar defense to his murder trial by blaming the violent killings of an elderly couple, John and Melinda Orr, on a monster. Mercy, who lived across the street from the Orr’s, said he saw a hairy, fanged 15 ft monster enter the couple’s home through

Chuck’s Place, a restaurant in Thiensville, Wisconsin, got more than they bargained for when a 350 pound man, Bill Wisth, ate all their fish. Wisth ordered the bottomless fish fry on a Friday night and was given about 20 pieces of fish before finally being told they were out. Wisth

AVON PARK, Fla. — A 91-year-old man, Max Horton, has been charged with attempted murder after threatening to kill and shooting at a landscaper who apparently got lawn clippings on his his white 1987 Cadillac, according to Highlands County Sheriff’s Office arrest report. Horton yelled at the landscaper, “That’s a

FRESNO, California – Jamal Jafreese is becoming a more frequent sighting in Fresno, California. He walks the streets with a ‘jive swagger,’ speaks in Ebonics and tries to make friends with black people. Jafreese recently tried to join a local chapter of The Bloods street gang, according to underground zine, The Street.

CHICAGO — Dang Thomas was only complaining about his hatred for pie on Facebook, but his three innocent little words cost him his job. Above: Thomas explains his firing to CAN TV Thomas, who works as a forklift operator at Horner Lumber Distributers in Chicago, arrived at work Friday morning and was surprised when he learned he had been fired by his boss,

BOISE, Idaho – Brad Burns was playing in Veterans Memorial Park with his two Chihuahuas when he witnessed a man dressed in a ‘meat suit’ attack another man eating a hamburger. “I saw the meat man run at the guy full force and knock him off the picnic table,” Burns said. “My first instinct was to run because I

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — A 19-year-old mother was arrested for cutting the hands off her 2-year-old daughter Thursday night. According to the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office, Alena Smith used a steak knife to cut off her daughter’s hands after the young girl continued to ‘pick her nose and eat her boogers” and then ‘made funny faces’ at her.” Investigators say a

MINOT, North Dakota – North Dakota hunters killed over 12,000 ducks last week near Minot as part of what they called “a mercy killing.” “Due to unusually cold weather the ducks were having trouble finding food,” United States Fish & Wildlife spokesman Newt Gastin said. “These hunters took it upon themselves to