By Kelly Broich Originally published as satire on Moron.com in 2015 Republished here to reflect original authorship and public record JACKSONVILLE, Florida – Jeff Waters walked into a Bank of America Monday morning and attempted to cash a check for $368,000,000,000 dollars. The check Waters had written to ‘Cash’ was

CHICAGO – Chicago police were called to a home after a 911 call to find a woman hitting herself in the head with a crowbar. When two officers tried to calm Jenny Peak, 33, she dropped the crowbar and started running her head into a living room wall. Peak then

CNN reports a man who mocked alligators, then jumped in the water — despite warning signs — is dead after being attacked in Texas. Orange County Police were called to Burkart’s Marina near the Louisiana state line early Friday morning after reports that Tommie Woodward, 28, and an unidentified woman

MIMS, Fla. — Police said a man wanted to check if there was a bullet still in the chamber of his gun, so he put it to his head and pulled the trigger. Authorities say 49-year-old Charles Cooper shot himself at 1:50 a.m. Sunday during a weekend fishing trip and

LEE COUNTY, Fla. — A Florida Man, 44, was arrested after he was busted on surveillance video bumping into the back of a patrol car and ‘boogie dancing’ on the SUV’s roof while Hall & Oates’ “Rich Girl” and Supertramp’s “Goodbye Stranger” blasted from his car. According to a police

Last winter, Bob Smith (not his real name), decided he needed to cut his hand off. He walked into his garage, grabbed a power saw, placed his wrist on a two by four and buzzed the hand off. Doctors attempted to reattach the hand, but there were numerous complications which made the surgery impossible. Bob says he cut off his

LAS VEGAS — A group of hikers found an unusual discovery yesterday just outside Las Vegas: a man buried to his head in the desert. “We heard a strange howling. We walked to the sound, came over a small crest of a hill and saw this guy buried to his head,” rescuer

PALM BEACH, Florida – The Gontchar family loved the 11 Muscovy ducklings that lived near their home in Wellington, Florida. They fed them daily and uploaded hundreds of photographs to social media websites. “They were a joy in our life,” Laura Gontchar told the Palm Beach Post. “So cute and happy. So full

MADISON, West Virginia – Witnesses told police this week that they pleaded with Boone county resident, Audrey Ranch, 62, to stop hurting her son’s pit bull, but she refused. “Eventually she bit Pedro’s acorns clean off right there in the front yard,” a witness said. “Pedro hightailed it screeching like

This is a transcribed letter that was found bobbing in a wine bottle in Lake Butler (Florida) by a snorkeler. DEAR MERMAID: I have loved you since the day I caught you fishing. I’m still sorry for making your lip bleed with the hook and hope it healed well — no scars!! But I