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4 Things I Learned After Cutting My Own Hand Off

Last winter, Bob Smith (not his real name), decided he needed to cut his hand off. He walked into his garage, grabbed a power saw, placed his wrist on a two by four and buzzed the hand off.

Doctors attempted to reattach the hand, but there were numerous complications which made the surgery impossible.


Bob says he cut off his right hand to stop himself from excessive ‘self-pleasuring.’ Here are 4 things Bob told us he learned from the experience.

#4. I Can Still Masturbate

I’m a Mormon and we’re not allowed to touch ourselves. I’m single, so don’t get to have intercourse with a woman as our religion forbids premarital sex. So I had been masturbating daily for twenty years and knew I was in serious hot water with God and Jesus for all that jerking-off. I felt like the only way to really show them I was truly sorry was by cutting off the hand that helped me commit so much sin. I thought by doing so I’d lose all desire to masturbate. I was wrong. After I got home from the hospital, all I wanted to do was touch myself. All I could think about was the hot African-American nurse I’d had at the hospital. I’ve always wanted to get with an African-American, but there is a lot of stigma associated with interracial relationships and I wasn’t sure if my religion allowed them. But anyway, I made it two weeks without touching myself — but then I realized, with practice, I could use my left hand.

#3. Cutting Off My Hand Hurt

I had it in my head that since I was doing this for God that it wouldn’t hurt. But, it did. Blinding pain. I was totally crying like a baby until the doctors gave me morphine. It felt like I’d doused my hand in gas and stuck it into a campfire.

 #2. I Can No Longer Work

I used to build houses. But with one hand it’s impossible to pound nails, lay tile — all the hands-on work you gotta do to build somebody a home. Disability would not cover me because it wasn’t an accident. I had saved about $3,000 over the years I had been working. I moved from my condo to a crappy $300 a month mobile home and I’m just sitting here doing nothing waiting for the money to run out. After that — I’m not sure what I’ll do. I guess make a cardboard sign that says I’m a war veteran and stand in front of the grocery store and beg for spare change.

#1. I Shouldn’t Have Done It

In hindsight, cutting off my right hand was stupid. I should have sought help from my bishop or gotten professional counseling to help me stop from performing sin on myself. Or maybe, I should have just a used a knife to cut my hand every time I thought about playing the five knuckle shuffle. Cuts heal, hands don’t grow back.

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