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Oklahoma Man Claims To Be Tupac Shakur

TULSA —

A man named Tupac Skakur has emerged from hiding with a budding new rap career and a totally different look.

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“I never died. I just changed myself to hide,” Shakur told Celebtricity. “So many peeps wanted me dead, including the FBI, I had no choice but to do something drastic so they couldn’t find me.”

Shakur alleges he faked his own death and then moved to Oklahoma where he underwent 70 operations to change his facial features to make himself look totally different and to make himself appear younger. He also recently (over the last five years) did extensive skin bleaching to look white.

“The reason I become white wasn’t to further hide my identity from the haters who wanted me dead,” Shakur said. “It’s due to the increasing popularity of white rappers, like Eminem, MGK and my idol: Riff Raff. I want to cash in on this white trend.”

Shakur says he no longer wants to rap about street violence, but looks to bring his fans a happier message.

“I really like cute animals,” Shakur said. “Everybody loves cute animals. The internet has exploded with pictures of cute animals. I see a real opportunity to capitalize on this viral trend. All the songs on my new album entitled Cute Animals is going to be about cute animals.”

We obtained a few lyric excerpts from Shakur’s songs:

Title: Cute Bunnies

Cute bunnies wiggling dey noses. You’re so damn cute, you cute bunnies. I like to watch ya’all eat. I like your big buck teeth. You’re so cute to look at. I wish I could cuddle with cute bunnies all night long.

Title: Cute Puppies

Cute puppies are so cute. They smell so damn nice too. They wag their happy, cute tails. If I could become a cute dog, I’d become one cuz dey so damn cute.

Title: Cute Cats

Cute cats are so funny, cute cats like to lay out in the sunny. I like to stroke the cute pussy cat until it purr. When I have a cute cat next to me I never get cold and say burrrrrr.

Shakur expects to self-release his album next fall on BandCamp.

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