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Man Eating Hamburger Attacked By Meat-Suit Wearing Vegetarian

BOISE, Idaho –

Brad Burns was playing in Veterans Memorial Park with his two Chihuahuas when he witnessed a man dressed in a ‘meat suit’ attack another man eating a hamburger.

“I saw the meat man run at the guy full force and knock him off the picnic table,” Burns said. “My first instinct was to run because I thought the attacker might be a serial killer, but instead I decided to face my fear and capture the attack on my Samsung smartphone.”

Burns said the assailant in the meat suit knocked his victim down, took his hamburger, threw it about fifty yards and then ran away, disappearing into a thicket of trees.


“The meat suit guy was yelling ‘meat is murder!’ over and over during the attack,” Burn said. “He is obviously another whacko vegetarian. They’re all whacko. I plan to eat more meat now than ever because of what this freak did.”

Burns and his dogs ran to the victim to see if he was okay, but just as Burns was dialing police, the victim stopped him.

“He said he was wanted for train robbery and couldn’t go back to prison because it’s way too scary there,” Burns said. “I felt so bad for him losing his hamburger and stuff that I didn’t dial police. Instead, I helped him to his feet and just watched him hobble away. In retrospect, I should have driven the guy to Wendy’s and bought him another hamburger.”


Apparently, this isn’t the only attack by the ‘meat suit man’ in the Boise area. A Facebook commenter said he was attacked while eating ribs near the river.

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