Found: Weird Message In A Bottle…
This is a transcribed letter that was found bobbing in a wine bottle in Lake Butler (Florida) by a snorkeler.
I have loved you since the day I caught you fishing. I’m still sorry for making your lip bleed with the hook and hope it healed well — no scars!!
But I feel like God allowed me to catch you that day because we are supposed to be together. Your face is so pretty!!
So are your tits!!
I’ve been working with a friend who is a hobby scientist to turn me into a merman, but so far the injections have failed to turn my legs into fins. My mom says you can do anything you put your mind to so I know I can become a merman and we can live happily ever after in Lake Butler.
But in case not… if I put a portable pool in my back yard, would you live in it?
I’ll keep the pool any temp you want and provide live baby dolphins you can catch and kill just like you do in your natural habitat.
When you find this letter, please text me at 1-904-XXX-XXXX. If you don’t, I might just have to kill you!!! Just kidding… I have scuba gear and can meet you at your underwater castle and talk about my plan for you to have my babies.
Well, I’ve got to get back to work,
P.S. – You look like my Aunt Carol.