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Grocery Chain Hires Sexy Cashiers To “Boost Lagging Sales”

PHOENIX, Arizona –

Gastin’s Grocery, located in the Phoenix suburb of Gilbert, has been struggling against grocery giants like Walmart and Albertsons in recent years. With sales down 30% this past year CEO Ryan Gastin knew something critical had to be done. That is when he took a hard look at his employees and noticed most were overweight and “just not attractive.”


“Why had I hired so many ugly people?” Gastin said. “Nobody wants to look at them. People like attractive people. That’s why in advertisements and TV commercials you really only see attractive people.”

Gastin fired what he called “the ugliest of the ugly” and from what was left over of the decimated labor pool he moved to the stock room All cashiers are now required to be at least a 7 on the 1 through 10 attractiveness scale.

Since the implementation, sales are slowly approaching normal and Gastin feels he will be profitable fiscal 2016 and hopefully be able to expand from his three stores.

“Sex sells,” Gastin added. “Next week the baristas in our coffee bar will be wearing bikinis and the men will be required to go shirtless. I think that’ll give us another big boost against the competition.”

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