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Grocery Chain Hires Sexy Cashiers To “Boost Lagging Sales”
PHOENIX, Arizona – Gastin’s Grocery, located in the Phoenix suburb of Gilbert, has been struggling against grocery giants like Walmart and Albertsons in recent years. With sales down 30% this past year CEO Ryan Gastin knew something critical had to be done. That is when he took a hard look at his employees and noticed most were
Man Accused Of Stealing 32 Tons of Bacon
FLINT, Michigan – 46-year old Randolf Turner, manager of a Wendy’s restaurant in Michigan, is accused of stealing more than 32 tons of bacon from his employer over the last four years. The man intercepted 20 to 250 kilograms of meat per week from shipments destined to his restaurant. The
Washington State Getting Marijuana Vending Machines
OLYMPIA, Washington – The State of Washington will allow a Seattle company, HighVend, to install 700 vending machines throughout the state in 2015-16 that will sell THC-infused soda. Flavors that will be available include: Cola, Orange, Watermelon, Grape, Chocolate, Coffee and Strawberry. The company is working with various fast-food chains to have the machines available right
Hunters “Mercy Killed” 12,000 Starving Ducks
MINOT, North Dakota – North Dakota hunters killed over 12,000 ducks last week near Minot as part of what they called “a mercy killing.” “Due to unusually cold weather the ducks were having trouble finding food,” United States Fish & Wildlife spokesman Newt Gastin said. “These hunters took it upon themselves to
Illegal Immigrants Demand Cafe Change Racist Name
LOS ANGELES – Inside, it’s a charming cafe done in yellow and pink with off-kilter menu selections like peanut butter banana chocolate waffles, little princess pink lemonade cupcakes and cucumber raisin cinnamon ice cream. However, on the outside, the charm gives way to controversy. The name of the eatery? No Illegals
New Drug Keeps Puppies And Kittens Little Forever
BOSTON – There has been a huge demand over the years from pet owners to keep puppies and kittens cute and little forever. Sizere Pharmaceuticals of Boston have stepped up to fill that demand. For over ten years researches at the company have been developing a drug that successfully eliminates growth hormones in canines and felines. After
Homeless People Arrested For Building Homes
BUFFALO – Early Monday morning Buffalo police detained and released 72 homeless citizens for building an “apartment building” in a wooded area on the outskirts of the city. The structure in its current state of development would have housed 25 people. Full build-out, the “foreman” said, was expected to have housed 280. “The structure was a
$13.8 Trillion Dollar Tunnel Proposed Between United States and China
The United States and China are in serious talks to build a 288 lane tunnel from San Francisco to Shanghai. This will be the greatest engineering feat in the history of humankind taking eighteen years to construct and, if approved, opening spring of 2035. “This is a great opportunity for
Catholic Priest Warns Against Yoga: ‘You’re Opening Yourself To Possession’
SEATTLE – A Catholic Priest from Seattle, Washington recently said yoga is a big, fat NO-NO. The Seattle Daily Inquirer reported Saturday that Msgr. Jay Stevens, a Catholic-ordained exorcist, spoke against yoga during Seattle’s annual YOGA DAY! As people did yoga in the park and along the streets he berated them to halt
Man Keeps Dead Wife In Glass-Enclosed Coffee Table
GILBERT, Arizona – 32-year-old, Harem Deeb, whose wife recently passed away couldn’t let her go. This is where Harem’s story takes a twisted turn. His wife, Lucy, was born with a heart condition that cut her life short at the young age of 29. Lucy’s last words to Harem were, “We will