I was going to add paragraph breaks and punctuation, but instead decided to give you this Facebook status update written exactly how the author intended. Transcription: Ok Facebook I’m saying a lot of things going on about the Confederate flag. I’m going to be the first one to tell you that

SPOKANE, WA — The Spokesman-Reviews reported Thomas Kammers, 42, is being held in the Spokane County Jail on a $5,000 bond after he was pulled over Monday afternoon near North Stevens Street and West Houston Avenue. Kammers 1992 Honda was observed traveling on a completely flat tire with expired license

BRADENTON, Florida — Bradenton police say a woman has been charged with photographing herself having sex with a dog. Police discovered Ashley L. Miller, 18, “had explicit photographs of her and a canine stored on her phone,” a news release states. “Mrs. Miller was interviewed and Mrs. Miller confessed that

MARTIN COUNTY, Florida — Gary Linman of Hobe Sound, Florida really needed a ride home. He dialed 911 from a payphone (they sill have those?) to get that ride. —— 911 call transcript: 911: 911. What’s your emergency? Linman: This 911? 911: Yes. How may I help you? Linman: I got an emergencies. I

MADISON, West Virginia – Witnesses told police this week that they pleaded with Boone county resident, Audrey Ranch, 62, to stop hurting her son’s pit bull, but she refused. “Eventually she bit Pedro’s acorns clean off right there in the front yard,” a witness said. “Pedro hightailed it screeching like

Football fans demonstrate craziness and idiot-ness time and again, but these morons are right up there with the worst. A fan, upset by the league’s fining the Patriots $1 million for their “more probable than not” role in deflating footballs, has decided to pass the cap. A GoFundMe.com site has been

Robert Panel feels women should be LEGALLY required to wear dresses. Obviously, there isn’t a lawmaker in the United States who would get behind legislation forcing women to wear dresses, but this is what he wants to see happen anyway. We talked to Mr. Panel via Skype to discover the reasons why he holds this belief: 1. Women Look Sexy In

By Kelly Broich Originally published as satire on Moron.com in 2015 Republished here to reflect original authorship and public record JACKSONVILLE, Florida – Geoff Gaylord, 37, entered the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office earlier today and turned himself in for killing his imaginary friend — Mr. Happy. Gaylord told officers he had

ORLANDO – Jerry Hartman said his puppy, Jack, and his adult cat, Sparkles, have been engaged in a steamy sexual relationship for the last two months. The affair apparently started when Hartman came home one day to find his dog and cat doing it “human style” — i.e., missionary position. “Jack was penetrating Sparkles on the

AUSTIN, Texas – A 20-year veteran of the U.S. Postal Office, Casey Brown, 44, was arrested Monday morning when federal agents raided his Austin apartment recovering 75,000 stolen Netflix DVDs. Brown had been pilfering DVDs since Netflix started its once popular home DVD delivery service. Police wouldn’t detail how they caught Brown other than it involved an elaborate surveillance effort including